Raytheon Wins Contract to Develop the COVID-19 Olfactory Negation Equipment System (CONES)
Photo by Meriç Dağlı on Unsplash
Washington, DC— April 17, 2020— In A Bold Move, Raytheon won a $30M cost plus contract to develop the COVID-19 Olfactory Negation Equipment System (CONES). Randy Hilmogrin, program manager at Raytheon’s Non-Lethal Systems Division, answered questions about the win after its announcement during Thursday’s White House COVID-19 press conference.
The COVID-19 Olfactory Negation Equipment System, or CONES, is a highly engineered personal protective device intended to reduce human-to-human transmission of the deadly COVID-19 virus. Using an advanced polymer film developed for the cockpit display on the F-35, Raytheon created a wearable conical structure that can be sized to the neck dimensions of an average adult human. When wearing the CONE protection system, a person’s breath is directed upward through the top venting apparatus. A detachable screen can be affixed to the top of the CONE to prevent wearers from touching their face or putting dirty phones to the side of their head.
“This has been a very rapid development cycle. We started working on it last Thursday when we heard that President Trump had announced in a press conference call that we had one in production.” states Hilmogrin.
When asked about its efficacy and the kinds of testing it has undergone, Hilmograin responded, “Like the Apollo Project, we’ve had some ‘successful failures’ in our quest to develop CONE. In a test last week, former Air Force test pilot,, Bob ‘Flash’ Gordon nearly drowned during a heavy rainstorm when the CONES filled with water. Paramedics quickly drilled a few holes around the collar. This allowed the water to drain out, allowing Mr. Gordon to breathe. After receiving a treat and a scratch behind the ears he seemed to settle down.”
Raytheon reports that a previous solution involving a snorkel and a submersible pump was ruled out based on concerns that it may impede normal activities such as gardening and routine conjugal relations. Raytheon plans to move forward with the next phase of testing in as early as 6 months. The only reported side effects of test subjects who have worn the CONE are dry nose, dull coat, refusal to go out for a walk, and a stronger than usual desire to lick one’s own genitals.