Bass Pro and The Healing Power of Guns
In A Bold Move, John E. Morris, CEO of Bass Pro Shops, announced that Bass Pro Shop and subsidiary Cabelas have been designated as COVID-19 Essential Service Providers and will immediately begin drive-thru gun and ammunition sales in stores that had previously been closed to stop the spread of the coronavirus.
Historically gun and ammunition sales have been robust during natural disasters and other crises. In an interview on Fox News, Mr. Morris stated, “During times like these--when people are depressed, angry and feeling like all hope is lost--a gun can be a source of real consolation.”
Joseph Bertuzzi, president of the Newtown, CT based National Shooting Sports Foundation, the firearms industry trade association, applauded this bold action. “Firearm retailers have seen these spikes in demand following 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, and after McDonald’s canceled the McRib sandwich. People get angry and scared, and their natural instinct is to start shooting at something. Remember, the shooting community is made up of strong constitutional patriots. We won’t let the politicians use shelter in place orders to restrict our right to purchase firearms and stockpile ammo. First they make you wash your hands, then they make you wear a facemask, then they start taking away your firearms,” Bertuzzi said.
Beauregard Paunchartrain, owner of F-It, a novelty taxidermy and off-season fireworks store, echoed these sentiments, “I’m shut down because of Nancy Pelosi and the lib-tard media, all because a bunch of Chinamen are dying. Next thing you know they are going to tell me I need to lose weight, stop smoking and use a paper straw. Knowing I can stock up on guns and ammo even during these times calms me down and helps me sleep. Even better than taking a handful of my wife’s back pain medication.”
Brad Luddite, Senior Corporate attorney at Bass Pro stated, “Like the healthcare industry, we too are trying to quickly re-write laws to reflect the new normal. We are advocating that if someone drives up with a late model American made car or truck with an intact windshield and is willing to pay in cash, that we should be able to wave a background check or waiting period. Especially if they seem angry or in a hurry.” Unlike Walmart and Dick’s sporting goods, Bass Pro shops still sell assault weapons and pistols.
In a telephone interview following the announcement, Mr. Morris stated, “Just this week at our Boom Town, Nevada store we heard a touching story of a man who bought a pistol for a friend at our drive-thru facility. His friend was depressed because his wife had just left him and was in the process of trying to get a restraining order against him. Nothing can raise your spirits more than getting a 40 caliber pistol and 100 rounds of ammo. It’s these types of stories that make you feel good about showing up to work.”
Comments from the Fact Checker: Unfortunately after writing this article we found it to be somewhat true. We had wasted a lot of time writing it so we published it anyway. We apologize to our readers for our flawed editorial process and inherent laziness. We promise in the future we will raise our standards of falsehood. It deeply saddens us when we stray from our goal as being America’s The World’s most trusted Source for Fake News!
Mansoor, Sanya. “Gun Shops Can Still Sell Firearms From Parking Lots: DOJ.” Time, Time, 12 Apr. 2020, time.com/5819728/gun-retailers-atf-coronavirus/.
Photo by Zachary DeBottis from Pexels