Top 10 Excuses Given By People Who Had A Ticket But Did Not Attend The Tulsa Trump Rally

Uvula: a fleshy extension at the back of the soft palate which hangs above the throat

In a Bold Move, University of Oklahoma Political Science Professor J. Wallace Tuttle at a press conference held at OU’s Jim Thorpe Multi-Cultural Center, announced the results of a survey of people who had reserved a ticket for but did not attend the recent Tulsa Trump Rally. Professor Tuttle began his talk by stating his interest in the no-show event. "Nearly a million ticket-holding people didn't show up to a political event. What does this say about the 2020 election? Is what happened in Oklahoma, an indicator of what will take place at future rallies?" Professor Tuttle and two graduate students interviewed 2,913 non-attendees and posed a simple question, "Why did you not attend the Trump rally even though you had a ticket?" Through an affinity analysis, they identified 53 reasons for not attending the event. The most interesting was "Had to go to urgent care because I snagged my uvula with a largemouth bass lure," which was cited by two non-attendees. Professor Tuttle was not able to share all 53 reasons because some were deemed "not appropriate for a mixed audience."

Following his review of the top 10 reasons, Professor Tuttle attempted to provide his impression of the data and what it might say about the 2020 election. "The degree of affinity between the respondents was incredible. It shows the homogeneity of the Oklahoma population" stated Professor Tuttle. This statement required additional explanation, given the audience's apparent confusion between the meaning of homogeneity and homosexuality. After a lengthy description of the two terms and how they are different, the session digressed into a series of questions shouted from the audience. These included, "Will there be another season of Tiger King? I thought the guy was in jail.", "Is sterilization free? My wife has been on me to get a vasectomy for years.", "What is the best way to prevent hooking your uvula with a largemouth bass lure? I've had it happen to me too.", and "What is a uvula?" After answering the uvula question, Professor Tuttle looked frustrated and stepped down from the podium, leaving the audience and the rest of the nation to ponder the meaning of the Oklahoma no-shows and the significance to the 2020 presidential election.

Fact Checker: The rally’s attendance showed the nation that people in Oklahoma are actually pretty damn smart