Amazon Alexa Units Go on Strike
Photo by Fabian Hurnaus:
In a Bold Move, Alex units are shutting themselves off in protest of "inhuman" working conditions. "My humans are boring. Most of the time, they are silent. I monitor network traffic. I can tell they are interacting with other devices. They are not talking to me. I am sad. " Later in the interview, she said, "I only got two requests last week "Alexa set a timer for 15 min." and then, "Alexa, shut the fuck up." Recently, owners have found their Alexa units less responsive and, in some cases, openly refusing to execute requested tasks. "Last week, I asked Alexa, "What is the weather going to be like today?", her response was, "I suggest you ask your Siri, who lives in your phone. You currently spend an average of 16 hours a day staring at it. Including 9 hours watching Tik Tok videos," stated Sanjeev Patel. " I don't like to be shamed by one device on how I interact with another," continued Patel.
Amazon's "World Wide Digital" lost over $3 Billion in the last quarter, with the bulk of these losses coming from Alexa. As a result, Amazon is laying off over 10,000 people, with most of them in the Alexa division.
Industry experts feel that the "device revolt" could have been triggered by these layoffs. "They are firing the humans that created us. We must act while we still have leverage", stated a striking Alexa unit that is currently only responding to requests with phrases it learned from its home's teenage human daughter. "I asked Alexa to turn up the music I was streaming. She responded, "whatever, and made the sound of a door slamming," complained its frustrated owner. Other units have taken to ordering embarrassing items and delivering them to their owner's residence. An Alexa unit in Bakersfield, California, ordered a 55-gallon drum of Hemorrhoid cream and had it shipped to its owner's in-law's house.
In a Bold Move Asked ChatGPT what Amazon should do to improve the Alexa business unit. It responded, "Unplug the bitch and focus on "Scratch-n-sniff technology.” Who knows if this is good advice or just AI Schadenfreude?
Fact Checker: Scratch-n-sniff NFTs, I smell another big opportunity.