UC Berkeley Researchers have Successfully Sequenced the Genetic Code of the McDonald’s McRib Sandwich.
In a Bold Move, Researchers at The University of California at Berkeley have Successfully sequenced the genetic code of McDonald's McRib Sandwich. In a hastily called news conference, Paul Alivisatos, Executive Vice Chancellor and Provost of UC Berkeley, announced the groundbreaking discovery. "2020 was a banner year for us with Doctor Jennifer Anne Doudna winning the Nobel Prize for her groundbreaking work on CRISPR; we never thought we would also solve one of the greatest mysteries of the universe, determining the genetic source of the McRib sandwich." The McDonalds McRib Sandwich is a much anticipated seasonal offering from the global fast-food retailer. Many people mistakenly think that the meat contained in the McRib sandwich is "restructured[ boneless pork patty shaped like a miniature rack of ribs". Scandusly, Roger Mandigo, former longtime prof at University of Nebraska, has even claimed to have invented the McRib Sandwich utilizing "restructured meat products". In the often-cited article by Whet Moser, The Invention of the McRib and Why It Disappears from McDonald's, PUBLISHED OCT. 25,2011, in Chicagomag.com, Professor Mandigo floats the following false narrative on the origin of the McRib meat product:
"Restructured meat products are commonly manufactured using lower-valued meat trimmings reduced in size by comminution (flaking, chunking, grinding, chopping, or slicing). The comminuted meat mixture is mixed with salt and water to extract salt-soluble proteins. These extracted proteins are critical to producing a "glue" that binds muscle pieces together. These muscle pieces may then be reformed to produce a "meat log" of a specific form or shape. The log is then cut into steaks or chops, which, when cooked, are similar in appearance and texture to their intact muscle counterparts. "(1)
“At UC Berkeley, we knew we were on to something when we reached out to McDonald's for a tissue sample of the "McRib," We received a cease and desist order from McDonald's Chief Legal Counsel. Ignoring this legal speed bump, We pressed forward and surreptitiously sourced a sample from a McDonald's Restaurant located on the Colorado/ Kansas border in Goodland, Kansas.” stated Dr. Michelle Chang, Professor of Biochemistry, Biophysics, and Structural Biology at UC. Earl Cranston, assistant 2nd shift manager at the franchise, remembered the visit, "They just weren't dressed normal (sic). They had on what looked like hazmat suits and seemed to be asking many suspicious questions. We gave them several sandwiches and notified Franchise Operations at Mcdonald's headquarters in Chicago, Illinois, about the interaction. A day later, three people from corporate showed up in a black van and debriefed everyone who interacted with the "researchers from California ."I remember it; clearly, we were not asked to clock out for the discussion, and we were given a ½ off coupon for a filet of fish sandwich if we agreed to sign a non-disclosure agreement regarding the incident. Oops, maybe I should not have told you about that," stated Cranston with a sheepish grin. "Hell, what can they do, fire me? I'll just go work at the tire store."
Back in Berkeley, the team of researchers took the sample and prepared it for analysis. "We knew what we had was important. We just didn't know how big this was going to be", stated Dr. Chang. “From a physical analysis, we figured this was just a patty of compressed pork parts, cheeks, tongues, testicles, intestines, and hooves. When we looked at the DNA of the sample, we realized that we had never seen anything like this. "
The sequencing resulted in a groundbreaking discovery. The DNA sourced from each sample was from the same source organism, and this organism's DNA did not match anything you would find in any barnyard. "The DNA looked like a mashup of species. It seems like the primary sequence seemed to be from a prehistoric ancestor to the manatee, a slow-moving marine mammal that Floridian use to scrap the barnacles off the bottoms of their personal watercraft. The ancestral manatee-like creature was rumored to be the size of the Houston Astrodome. When you use the Astrodome to describe something's size, you know it's got to be big," stated Professor Chang.
The team realized that between the two buns of their Goodland Kansas-sourced sandwiches was the ancient meat of a giant creature they nicknamed the "McRibasaurus."( This name is no longer can used because it infringes on the copyright of the upcoming McDonald's promotion for the triple-decker McRib sandwich combination meal nicknamed the McRibasaurus). Based on the recommendation of UC Berkley's legal team, the creature is referred to as a "Lardasaurus."
After addressing the pressing task of naming the creature, they realized that they had much more to do and many more questions to answer. These include:
Why does McDonald's only sell this as a seasonal product?
Why would someone order one of these in the first place? They taste horrible.
If we keep working on this, does it only make us look dumber and Doudna look smarter?
Fact Checker: I called Avagadro’s number to verify these claims but could not reach anyone.
Conflict of interest statement: Goodland, Kansas, is the birthplace of the Fact Checker's mother.