Google Creates Algorithm that Allows Consumers to Fast Forward Live Network TV

Photo by JESHOOTS.com from Pexels

In A Bold Move, scientists at Google have created an algorithm that allows consumers to fast forward live network TV comedies and dramas.

Gigi Gobirds, Senior Vice President of Google Entertainment Products announced the development in a video press conference on Monday. The device, an upgraded Chromecast dongle, allows consumers to fast forward most live network television comedies and dramas. Ms. Gobirds and her team have been able to develop an algorithm using only 1200 lines of code that allows the device to predict what will happen with the plot. 

“There is not a lot of rocket science that is used in creating the story arc of an episode of Young Sheldon… mean kids steal Sheldon’s lunch box. Sheldon uses his knowledge of chemistry to create a doctored peanut butter that turns kids' hair green. Kids steal lunches. Hair turns green and Sheldon and the principal get the last laugh.” Gobirds noted, “These shows are written at a 4th-grade level to be understood by someone who is multitasking on their phone or computer and using the show’s laugh track to soothe away the meaninglessness of their lives.”  

Once the algorithm has determined the vector of the plot, it utilizes a graphics processor to render the characters in a semi-lifelike manner.  “So many stars have had significant plastic surgery which allows us to leverage cartoon production technologies to craft their physical renderings,” said Gobirds. 

Gobirds stated that sadly, the algorithm only works with traditional network shows. “We tried applying the algorithm to the last episode of Game of Thrones and the projected plot was far from the actual one. John Snow became King, Daenerys Targaryen, was eaten by her dragons. It made more sense than the actual plot but that’s not what we were shooting for. When we pointed it at Season 2 of Westworld, the dongle became too hot to touch and the system went into a persistent blue screen state.” According to Gobirds, the major challenge the team faces is not technical,  it’s trying to find someone who still watches network television.”

Fact Checker comments: Through careful research, I found that Ms. Gobirds name is a pseudonym for a real Google employee who likes the Philadelphia Eagles a whole lot. Go Birds!