Plumber's Union Angry That "Butt- Crack Guy" Assumed to be Part of its Organization

If you recognize this butt, please contact the FBI

In a Bold Move, Marc McManus, CEO of United Association, the umbrella organization representing plumbers, gas fitters, and steamfitters, vehemently denied that one of its members participated in the deadly attack on our nation's capitol. Based on the above photo, the media and the FBI are looking to identify a rioter commonly referred to as “Butt-Crack Guy”. "I'm offended that both the media and the FBI have concluded that he is a union plumber just because he is showing his butt crack," responded McManus. The photo came to the FBI's attention late Wednesday and was placed on the FBI website that evening.

The United Association immediately spun into damage control mode and proactively reached out to the media. "I challenge anyone to tell me that he or she could positively identify that guy as a union plumber. He could easily be a non-union guy. The non-union plumber has hurt our trade for years, and this could be the last straw," McManus speculated. "There are also other trades where people have to bend over-- why aren't they suspect?"

The FBI and the American College of Gastroenterology have been working together to apply modified facial recognition technology to accurately identify suspects by their butt cracks. "We have suspects now but are hamstrung by HIPAA laws that prevent sharing such personal results with law enforcement," a spokesperson lamented. "It is a real bummer."

Other labor unions have disavowed any connection to Butt Crack Guy. The Airline Pilot's Association was quick to say, "How often have you seen a pilot bend over? It is just not our style." The Screen Actors Guild responded, "Some have assumed that Butt Crack Guy was Steven Segal. Yet we know that Mr. Segal was in an Olive Garden in Van Nuys, California, pitching a project while dining on the endless cheese bread special at the time of the attack."

At the time of this article's posting, no other trade organizations have responded to In A Bold Move's inquiries.

Fact-Checker: I thought it was the Norge repairman